The Return to Self: My Vocational Journey
My name is Cynthia Undyantara. I’m an artist and creative-wellness educator devoted to reconnecting people with their inner power through creative expression, community connection, and somatic practices.
My Art
If I had to quantify my art style I’d call it “Psychedelic Surrealism” with subject matter that explores love, the inner journey, and the cosmos.
I view art as a form of alchemy, medium for exploration and expression. Art to me is a sanctuary. Your safe space where you are free to express and be.
Home Temple Mural Project
Recently I’ve been focusing on art as a tool for empowerment, conveying messages of hope, love, and unity.
Psyche-Somatic Wellness Education
Your body holds so much information. Pain, illness, discomfort—my studies and practice operates on the belief that everything is connected. There is a clear correlation through the mental, emotional, and physical body.
My modalities include mindfulness, meditation, breathwork, and vocalization. This empowers people with the tools to self-heal and regulate using your body’s own natural abilities.
Alignment means harmony of mind, body, and spirit.
Having these facets of your being leads to greater ease and flow in your life. Picture your body as a tunnel or vessel—an open channel for the powerful currents of life force to flow through you. This energy is your own yet also affects and can be affected by the world around you.
When flowing freely, your mind is clear and your body feels free. You’re able to move through the world with presence and power. You’re able to show up in life as your most vibrant self. There are three key principles at play:
BLOCKAGES – These are the debris and buildup in your “tunnel”. They can take the form of long-held resentments, emotional pain, physical inflammation, or a closed mind that does not allow creative energy to come through.
MISALIGNMENTS – Sometimes the tunnel itself is crooked. Energetic misalignments can come from patterns, habits, or trauma that throw your body and energy system off-course. When misaligned, your energy must work harder to move through, leading to burnout, confusion, or feeling "off" in your daily life.
UNDER ACTIVATION – You have different fires within that need tending to. Creativity, connection, play, pleasure, confidence, and more. When neglected, this could lead you to feel disconnected, dimmed, tired, or a bit lost.
I love what I do and I truly can say that I’m currently living in my joy and purpose. I haven’t always been doing this, and getting here was quite a journey of its own.
I started my professional career in the TV-animation industry.
I’ll start here as it’s the easiest milestone for now.
I graduated from Sheridan College and immediately jumped into the workforce. I was so focused on building a career, and moving up in the ranks. I did all the things. I networked, picked the brains of the exectutives and departmnet leads. I was thirsty for knowledge and advacing my career.
What drove me? I wanted to create my own show. I wasn’t sure what story I wanted to tell at this point, all I knew was that I wanted to bring my own vision to life and not just work on someone else’s IP forever. Plus in 2021, I was fresh from a traunatic engagement break-up so I devoted most of my life’s effort on advancing my career as to never rely on a man ever again.
So I did move up in the industry “ranks”.
In 2022 I got hired at Hasbro, a distribution company that was intertwined with Netflix.
To not sugar coat it, what followed was completely mind numbing work. Day in and day out I was writing emails, having meetings about the formatting of excel spread sheets. It was like the further I climbed up the corporate ladder and got further away from the grunt work of actual production, the more time people had to latch on to inconsequential details just for the sake of having something to put on the to-do list.
When I got in meetings with the exectutives of Development, I picked their brain and wanted to learn more about what it took to bring my own IP to life. At that time I was starting to co-write the show “Rainbow Circle” with a new friend. What I learned was even though the content was early development education, a lot of what drove TV shows was toy sales. Also there’s a high degree of censorship and walking on eggshells that occurs in public media.
But still I kept moving through my days. In August 2022 I painted my first piece in a long time ‘Perpetual Motion’, A form of catharsis to express how I felt like I was just aimlessly and frantically moving through life. Yet that’s what butterflies do, so I’ll do the same.
Misalignment
Before I knew it, the first thought I had every morning upon waking up was “ok, let’s waste my life again”.
In November 2022 I went to my first wellness workshop ever. I was an all-women red tent ceremony. That was the night of my awakening. Or at least one of them. I can’t quite rmember what the pull was. I think I searched for “tantra” and “womens group”. I think I was subconsicously searching for inner connection as well as connection with others.
The experience opened with the sharing circle. The women all went around the room and shared. There were stories of indidelity, fear, and a plethora of heart wrenching trauma. After that circle-share I felt like I’d already gotten my money’s worth. What then followed was eye gazing, movement mirror exercises—I’d never felt anything like that in my life before. As I looked into the eyes of the strangers I was paired with I felt like I fell in love. Like I saw the soul of another that was also my own soul. We told each other about what we saw in their soul. The woman I was paired with said that it looks like I have all this power contained, just waiting to come out. I didn’t quite feel powerful, yet I held onto her words.
We then closed the evening with a sound bath. We all were lying down on the venue floor as the facilitators played some healing tones from their crystal bowls and other instruments. As it closed they slowly guided us back into our bodies and I cracked open.
I started sobbing uncontrollably. At this point in my life I was absolutely not in touch with my emotions or expressions, but this purge was out of my hands. The sound bath had put me into a trance and I felt like I had gone home. Into the place my soul was completely free and at peace.
Coming back into my body and life felt like grief.
It felt like the viceral sensation of putting on heavy clothes that weren’t meant for me. I was in a relationship that was pacifying, a soul sucking job, and I lived in a city where it felt like my friends were merely drinking buddies. My soul was screaming out for something else.
After that experience I found solace in my art as well as walking in the forest. The piece “Mother” was born from a walk I took in high park and connecting with the trees.
“In the dead of the winter, I wandered into the forest. A small flame in the dark woods. I whispered, “Mother it’s me. I’m home”. I reached out, wanting to return. Be held by her once again”.
In December 2022 I participated in my first art exhibit in my adult life.
I can’t remember how I got conncted to it. But at that point, I had two art pieces. So I submitted “Mother” and “Perpetual Motion”. At the show I met Ian, who would be my business partner in the next chapter.
It was getting cold so I had to leave.
I was craving adventure and new perspective, so I went to Costa Rica in January 2023. I knew I was looking for something but wasn’t sure what. That ended up being the adventure of a life time. I was in a “fuck it” state of mind, still working my 9-5 remotely, yet maximixing my life outside of that.
I surfed, spent every evening watching the sunset, dancing with new friends, I hiked 3 days through a national park, had a life changing plant medicine ceremony in the jungle. For the first time in my life I felt alive. And I was so inspired. On that trip I met so many entrepreneurs, digital nomads, peopel who were living their lives by their own design.
I knew I was being called to a different way of living, so I started to design a wellness app that connected people to resources like practitioners and modalities.
Then Ian, my friend who I had met at the art exhibit, reached out to me. He told me that he’d done an impulsive post-breakup thing. He rented out a $8000 space in the city for his upcylced clothing brand and now doesn’t really know how to keep it afloat. So I said, “count me in”.
Studio IDFK
I got back to Toronto in April 2023 with a vision. I wanted to build a community space where we had events, artist show cases, and co-working. We were working on a fashion line, creating community programming, events, and artist showcases. The work was intense and fast paced but I loved it. I was finally creating work that had direct human impact, supported emerging artists, facilitated community connection. I worked on the space in between breaks, in the evenings, and weekends. For a few months I juggled building this new business with the 9-5.
I was burning out hard and I started to get sloppy on all fronts. Everything was suffering; my health, my attention at work, as well as my ability to be present in my new business. I remember the breaking point. I was directing a campaign shoot for our fashion launch at the studio and got called into a meeting with the producer and my coordinator at 5:30 pm. To talk about excel spreadsheets. I left the photographer and model hanging and in a state of chaos.
I knew I needed to make a choice. I couldn’t live two lives at once anymore.
Choosing freedom over fear.
It’s hard for me to describe the all-consuming, crippling anxiety that being faced with this choice put me in. Leave my stable 9-5 very well paying job—the only format of life I’ve lived up until that point—to do what? Make money how? There was no solid plan. There was no long term future I could quite see at this point. I just knew this project was in front of of me and I needed to jump. Summer would be the highest point of growth for the studio and I needed to be present and fully resourced to enter into this season. So in June 2023 I quit.
‘Amygdala’ (2023) Acrylic Painting on Canvas
The next few months I worked like a crazy person.
At that point I don’t think I’ve ever tried that hard at anything in my life. I have a background in competitive swimming, animation school was insane hours and courseload, I put in my hours in the animation industry, but this was a whole other level of sustained effort.
16 hour days at the studio working on programming, launching creative events over and over again, learning marketing and promotions, business development, evenings spent networking with creatives, and community partners.
This was my first stab at entrepreneurship and I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew is that I left the safety of my known reality to do this so I had to make it work. Our overhead was $10,000 a month and I was in this panic mode. I was tunned visioned on meetings those numbers every month without quite having in mind the idea of where we were going.
I was making 90% of the company’s revenue every month and it felt like I was so alone in my efforts even though I had a business partner, and there was this inner voice that screamed “Something is really really not working, don’t keep locking yourself in”. I ignored that voice and pushing through.
Leaving the Space
By December of 2023 I was physically falling apart, exhausted, and just caffinating myself through burnout. Ian suggested we paused for holiday break. When I finally zoomed out, I saw that my partner and I had completely different visions. That’s why things kept stalling. There was no flow, just hitting the numbers at the cost of our health.
He wanted to create a high ticket uncycled fashion brand that I honestly had not attachment to aesthetically or principally. This whole time, I cared about community events and creating a space for collective inspiration and transformation. After trying it for almost a full year, we saw that the two could not exist in the same space.
I had rainbow circle that I wanted to work on as well as my own explorations as an artist—all things that I had put on the backburner to grow this business and prioritze giving other artists space. So I left even though I didn’t know what to do next.
All through a series of serendipity, some creative opportunities fell into my lap. I worked as a Creative Director on an immersive art and live music experience as my last project at Studio IDFK. That led me to conenct with a new friend, Tom Kuo, which then connected me to the art-tech, new media, and projection mapping side of the creative industry in Toronto.
I also met someone who hired me as the Creative Director and Experience Designer of their pop-up cafe at Union Station, Mentis Neurocafe.
Travelling to the Homeland
Once again needing a tropial reset, I took a trip to Indonesia, this time with my sister in March of 2024. I surfed, spent time with my family, and I did my first small mural on Gili Islands. That moment was a rebirth. Something about picking up that paint brush became this clear message of alignment. “You found your wings” was the feeling. And all of this within the backdroup of mother earth’s setting sun. I painted “Dewi Sri” from that experience. I truly felt at one with everything and so was born my own mantra “I am the ocean I swim in, I am the creator and created”. The greatness you seek is already part of you and you are within it. All you need to do is understand how to open yourself up and tune in to access that creative power.
On the island in the sun Electric Sunshine was born.
My sister and so we started to talk about creating something together to take back to Toronto inspired by the way of life in the islands; Simple, connected to nature, the intertwining of work and play, the importance of running to the beach at sunset, playing music and gathering with your people.
So we worked on a community connection hub offering without the venue, with the core values of connecting people back to wellbeing through creative play. Bringing people back to their inner light and creating a fusion of sunshine through coming together.
The artist awakened
As I was growing this business there was a voice that told me that I needed to also reconnect with the artist in me. That I needed to prioritze creating. It was a voice that was nudging me all these years that I had over and over again put on the backburner to focus on the career and the businesses I was creating.
I dismissed it, saying art is just an outlet. It’s not productive, there was no way I could make this into a full time career. Despite working with artists, It’s funny what happens when it comes to allowing your own desires. This sentiment of “They can do it, but not me”.
In August 2024 I finally entertained the voice. I made a connection with a private wine bar and they wanted to host art exhibits. So I gave myself a deadline and decided to book my first solo art exhibit on August 14 2024, called “I am Water”.
I decided to mostly create new pieces from scratch inspired by the concepts of water and flow. It was like putting together an event again, but this time for myself. 250 people showed up. During the event people thanked me for hosting. They said that they had so many meaningful conversations and made new connections. It was once again a momen of alignment as I finally understood that for me, that sentiment was everything. Connection was the driving force behind my events in the studio days, and I saw that I could still faciliate that even by shifting the focus to put myself to be on the forefront.
The Sunset Box Studio
In December 2024 I rented out my own studio space in the West End of the city. The intention was my own space where I could make art and create as I was living in a studio apartment with my partner and art making in the colder months in a shared space was quite challenging. We’d also planned a 3.5 trip to indonesia in January so I decided to set up a space rental business while I was gone.
Indonesia - Winter 2025
While I was away, the main project focus was a creative lifestyle brand I was working on called “A Conscious Wave”. It was essentially my pseudonym and the main messaging was a movement of conscious awakening inviting people to fully step into their creative power.
On that trip my yoga practice began, we learned how to freedrive, I became reiki certified. We surfed travelled on a boat for 4 days, dove with manta rays and whale sharks. It was unreal. I spent time again with family, and once again was inspired by people who who left their lives in Europe and the States to create a their own world in Bali.
Owl Bar Mural - Gili Islands, Indonesia, 2025
From Transcendence to Embodiment
I got back to Canada May 2025 and immediately started my reiki and bodywork practice in my new studio. Once again art fell on the backburner. Money worries crept back in so I decided to run the business that was familiar to me which was renting out the studio. This meant hiding away my art supplies on the daily which disrupted any creative workflow.
Summer of 2025 was rough. I felt like I lost my fire and playfulness. Money stress caused an all-consuming prioritzing of work. The focus on spirutal and energtic purity caused the parts of my human experience who craved play, mischief, and pleasure to revolt.
Despite “embodiment” being the thing that I was leading in my art workshops, I was forced to really sit with myself and explore if I was truly living that in my own life.
Embodiment is the physical manifestation of your soul’s true expression.
Your soul is your nature fire. Gifts, strengths, what lights you up, makes you feel connected and at “home”.
Your body is your way of being. Your actions, thoughts, vocation, environment, relationships, and outward expression.
So began the ongoing journey of this self-love chapter that encompasses sensory exploration through movement, breath, and getting really honest with yourself.
To Produce or to Create?
At the end of August, Tom (Dream Concerts friend) approached me and shared that he was throwing his first new media festival at Stackt Market. It would feature interactive installations to spread the message of connection through art and technology.
So he asked me if I’d like to be the producer on the project or if there’s art that I’d like to share. What another crossroads moment. Life was essentially asking me if I’d like to stay on the path that I’ve been on, or if I’m finally ready to step into the path of the creator.
So I chose to create.
In the month of Septmeber I locked-in to create an interactive art exhibit that merged my animation knowledge with painting and experiential design. Viewers would walk into the room, use their phones to scan a QR code which would let them explore the space through their camera and see the artworks animating and coming to life in the space. So I got drawing, animating, and getting really clear about the story we were telling with Rainbow Circle.
The exhibit was a hit. People loved the story and it was a great was to get people excited about it. Presently we’re at the stage of flushing out the first script and will be creating a pitch bible to take it around for funding to produce the animated show.
Rainbow Circle
Rainbow Circle is a mythic journey of remembrance—reclaiming creativity, connection, and balance as tools for transformation.
The story follows Rayna-Jade, a young artist and misfit from Crystal City—a hyper-productive empire where life is reduced to points, screens, and survival in a poisoned world. Disconnected from her roots and dismissed by society, Rayna is unexpectedly called into a multidimensional journey across seven mystical realms, each aligned with the body’s energy centers and the wisdom of nature.
In every realm, she encounters guides who teach her lessons of presence, creativity, courage, compassion, expression, intuition, and spiritual connection. From the grounding rhythms of the Root Realm to the expansive vision of the Crown, Rayna collects ancient “instruments”—sounds that hold the power to restore balance. Her mission is to weave these sounds into a cosmic transmission strong enough to hack the Dream Machines that keep humanity trapped in illusion.
A Return to Self
2026 became a year of finally allow myself to do the things that had been calling my soul, yet all these years I had dismissed as unproductive. I fully stepped into consistently painting, creating murals for local businesses, and facilitating wellness events that asked me to tap into my own voice in order to guide others into tapping and unleashing their own.
I focused more on somatics as a way of exploring and communicating with that “inner voice” in addition to cerebral processes.
What’s funny is, my current modalities aren’t new discoveries. Drawing and singing have always been things I’ve loved doing since I was a kid. It’s just I’ve now refined and understoof how to use them as a medium to express myself as well as serve others.
That’s the thing about the inner voice aka soul’s calling. It’ll keep nudging you throughout your life telling you when things are meant for you or not. It’s just that the signs don’t come as words and you need to connect with yourself long enough to hear those messages. Then there’s the follow through which looks like making the hard decisions to leave, jump, or keep working at it. If you ignore that voice, you’ll find that your life will get dim and uncomfortable.
The key is in the hands of your inner child.
What was your natural way of expressing? Before the world told you to behave, to be more lady-like, and likable. What got you curious and excited?
Can you love yourself as you love a child? A little you; dreamer, creator, and lover of life? Can you let them express, get excited, and meet others who see them and love them as they are?
Being yourself is the greatest gift.
Self love often gets misconstrued with “selfishness”. Know that when you pour love into yourself, that love will overflow. You’ll find that you have more capacity to love the world around you.
Allowing yourself to be yourself is the greatest gift you can give to not only yourself, but also others. How light, happy, at ease you’ll feel when you allow yourself to be yourself. The way you move through life with wonder and excitement will inevitable inspire others to do the same.
The way you show love, attention, and care to the people around you—give yourself that energy too. Invest in yourself. Take care of your body, do things that make you feel good, and most simply, just take time to connect and check in with yourself. Have a conversation. See how you’re doing.
Since you made it this far, I see you.
Thank you for being on this journey of love, awakening, and creation. Know that you’re not in this alone. There are so many others like us, and together we’ll explore and create. Let’s flow.
