Reinvention of Self (Journal Entry)
Aug. 8 2024 - 10:21am - Hale Coffee, Toronto, Canada.
Feeling calmer today. Yesterday was full of self judgment and anxiety.
Thoughts of, “Am I selfish, do I have the capacity to love, what the hell am I doing, am I cut out for this?”
I’ve barely even started.
What do I want?
And when I get it, then what? Did I enjoy my time or have I just been busting my ass so I can bust my ass some more? Am I enjoying the passage of time or simply being busy during this period of breath?
I am at ease.
I am not busy.
I have all the time I need.
So, what do you want?
To be a professional artist and designer. To have the time to write, launch my fashion and lifestyle brand. Take custom commissions and installations as it aligns. To design immersive sets and art.
Why?
I enjoy making and building. I enjoy weaving a space - energetically creating an experience.
What kind of experience?
One where people can let go, connect to each other and to their true nature. An experience that’s warm, open, playful, blissful. At ease and most importantly, relaxed.
After all, how can you heal or be open if you are not relaxed?
For others I want to create heaven on earth. The cosmic dance. Light, color, ethereal sound.
For me, I want to keep painting. It brings me joy to leave my marks everywhere.
My voice and messages; like breadcrumbs, spelling out shapes and symbols leading people back home into themselves - into the Divine.
To simplify it; I want to create my heart's desires and get paid doing it.
Do I really want to service others and make custom work? Or do I want to weave my own vibe?
Start with you.
So how does that impact the art opening? What are my intentions?
To sell art. None of this shying away from it; softening expectations. You need to direct your energy to selling art. Because that’s what you desire. Let yourself desire.
You are setting up the foundation. Now ask yourself these questions:
Where do you want people to look?
Website, social media.
What do you want people to see?
Me. My brand, the lifestyle. My paintings, the experiences I create. The healing, the custom work.
What are you offering?
Art, wisdom, ethereal experiences. Curated, personal guided experiences; incorporating Feng shui and energy psychology.
My mission is to weave spaces. Giving people an intimate experience to open up about where they feel stuck, the energy that needs to move, and the energy they want to bring into their lives and space. I am the channel, the vessel, creating and manifesting their vision.
Look at your own life? How’s that going?
I don’t need more. I don’t need less. I have everything.
So what’s wrong? What’s right?
What comes to mind is: FLOW.
Why are you missing flow? Is it because things aren’t in the right place? Or are not aligned for flow to occur?
How can you move things into the right place? How do you know where the right place is?
Notice resistance; when something feels annoying or cumbersome. Can you change something - can something shift?
…
REINVENTION OF SELF
What does your life look like? What does it feel like? Are there things you’re holding onto that don’t fit in your future? What does your life feel like?
My life feels like:
Vibrant Health. Strong lungs, good circulation, strength, energy.
The ability to create art as it compels me, and to have the time and space to do so.
Prioritizing play. Acro Yoga, dancing, laughter. Not just work and ambitions from day to night. Breathing space.
Time with good people. Chatting, connecting, being excited.
Love. Passionate love and intimacy. The soul’s return to divine union.
Connection to my source. Hearing and feeling the beam and frequency that comes as messages and inspiration. From people, art, and nature and the powerful ancient wisdom that is amongst us.
Nature. Feet in the dirt, being immersed in the trees, in the water, feeling the sun on my bare skin.
Authentic unleashed expression. In speech, in aesthetics; playing dress up but never fake.
Relaxed, peaceful, blissful
What are in your hands that you can let go of?
Being busy and the stress surrounding that belief. Release stress and you’ll notice how much more expansive you can feel.
All the hats. I have so many hats in my hands. The need to be all the roles takes energy away from the space to create from the true role, the place of play that comes the most naturally. The magnetic creator, artist, healer.
Inadequacy. The sticky belief that keeps me frozen in place when I need to build and move.
What statements can you replace these beliefs with?
BUSY becomes: I have time
STRESS becomes: I am super chill
INADEQUACY: I am a capable badass powerful queen.
Those are the affirmations. Continue to see where you can override these programs by prioritizing things that you think you don’t have time for because of those beliefs.
I have time for play, for friends, for walks in nature, for fitness, to try new skills.
I am super chill: I smile, I glow, I breathe easily and effortlessly, I play.
I am capable: I create unapologetically and with force. I build with enthusiasm, excitement, passion, and power.
Here’s another one: “I’m running out of money”
I am financially abundant. I am a money magnet by simply existing.
People give me money for the creations that come from my heart. And so I follow the joy.
I create not for money but rather I create exactly what I feel fired up and excited about.
Because that draws people and money in. Like paper moths that feed my flame.
I am the creator and the created.
I am the ocean that I swim in.
I am the greatness I seek to be a part of,
Whose drops is present
In every part of my being.
